boku no pico except pico is replaced with olaf the snowman
THESE ARE PAJAMA PANTS
WITH DOMINATRIX HORSES ON THEM
THAT SAY FIFTY SHADES OF HAY.
WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE.
There’s a conversation going on about the hurt that goes with defining ace and aro identities in terms of a lack, rather than in terms of a presence. I agree with odannygirl7 that our identities factually are defined by an absence, and that there’s no credible or meaningful way in which we can define them by a presence instead; there is no thing that aces and aros by definition have access to that others don’t. Yes, our communities may approach certain issues in unique and thoughtful ways, but those perspectives are not by definition inaccessible to allos; they’re just more common with us.
However, I see where anagnori is coming from. I think a lot of us struggle with finding ways to define ourselves in positive terms rather than in terms of an absence. It would be nice if when people say we’re “missing out,” we could show them something we have that they don’t, something that redeems that lack. There really is a little bit of pain that goes with not being able to answer that question, and I think it’s valid to acknowledge that and seek ways of healing it.
But I don’t think there is any universal thing that aces and aros have that others don’t, and I don’t actually think there needs to be. I don’t think we should feel compelled to justify an absence of attraction, any more than monosexual people should feel compelled to justify an absence of attraction to most genders.
By definition, ace and aro identities *are* defined by an absence. But an absence is not the same thing as a deficit or a poverty. Sometimes it is just an absence. Maybe instead of working towards filling that space, we should work towards making people see that empty space does not always need to be filled.
True, or that an absence isn’t the same thing as a hole. If you are asexual and/or aromantic, yes, you lack that experience. But you formed whole without it. You don’t have a missing piece. You are a puzzle that doesn’t happen to have a piece/set of pieces that depict the picture most others seem to have. But you’re still complete and have all your pieces. So yes, we don’t have that piece … so what?
The problem people seem to have with defining us without presenting us as “missing something” is that they assume all puzzles must have this piece/set of pieces without realizing that some puzzles lacking that piece were made that way, fully functional. It can be anywhere from amusing to annoying to disturbing to abusive if people who look at our lack of that piece and spend a ridiculous amount of time searching for it under the couch and trying to cram it into our finished set of interlocking pieces, where it would wreck things rather than complete them.
Damn I’m full of extended metaphors today.
Eurgh, looks like I need to clean under my couch.
Hey, what’s that thing down there?
It’s a puzzle piece! Looks like it says something on it…
"Sexual Attraction" Hey! So THAT’S where it was! I’ve been looking for that for years!
Wait, there’s something on the back…
"Property of Cassie" Guess it’s not mine after all. Oh well.
And who’s Cassie, anyway? I don’t know anyone named Cassie.
Guess I’ll just sell this one on Craigslist.
Oh my god. XD
Hey, where did you get that?! That’s mine! I thought I lost it under my bed ages ago, what the hell you sexual attraction thief.
Wait tho, if you’ve got mine, then what’s this?
OH SHIT SHIT ANYA I’M SO SORRY I DON’T KNOW HOW THIS GOT HERE I SWEAR
OH MY GOD IS THAT WHERE IT’S BEEN ALL THIS TIME????
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR GIVING IT BACK
MAN I CAN’T WAIT TO PUT THIS RIGHT BACK WHERE-
WAIT A MINUTE
boku no pico is getting a computer game